Well, I’m back after my rather long absence. Though I doubt anyone noticed. But university and a severe lack of internet prevented me from getting all these horrible little thoughts out of my head.
Anyway. I return. A year older and none the wiser, though growingly bitter. It was my birthday on the 26th of June. My 21st actually. And though this birthday is usually monumental for most, for me it was yet another disappointment. The day passed like virtually any day my family gets together. We saw a movie, had some food and my family screamed at each other while I wished I was somewhere else and wondered why I thought being with them was a good idea. Honestly, the highlight of my day was when I returned home with Matt and he held me in bed and let me cry it all out. I don’t cry often, so doing it when I had spent all day holding it in felt really good. But this day of shit has filled me with a particular vigour now.
My family, love them as I do, are a mess and in no position to advise me. It is my life, my body, and being the youngest, I need to suffer the consequences of my older siblings actions. My brother’s alcoholism, for instance. Their children for another. Not that I don’t love my nephews and niece, I do. But when they are screaming and angry and making a scene, that’s suffering to me. So I figure, if I need to put up with their consequences, they can put up with those of me getting as many tattoos as I want. It isn’t really any of their business, but if they choose to make it theirs, that’s on them.
My sister wants me to think every single one through before I get it because she doesn’t want me to regret them. Well I figure, fuck that. I don’t believe in the ‘no regrets’. Every life, no matter how good, will have regrets. I already have massive regrets that I’ll die with. So I think a few spur of the moment tattoos aren’t going to really concern me that much. And if they do, they will be my concerns, nobody else’s.
I know what I want to do with my life and I’m set on it. If that changes, it’ll only be to something else I want to do. If I choose to do that with tattoos covering me, so be it.
I’m not sure what brought this on tonight. But I’m feeling good and fired up and wanting more tattoos. Tattoos I plan to get without consulting my family. They can get over it. So there will be more blogs with photos of my ink soon. Very soon.